First Day – or Why the Fat Guy Told His Teacher to Go to Hell.

Headed off to classes today swaddled in a suit with my tie in my pocket. Moscow isn’t particularly hot, but it tends to get a little steamy in the summer. The Russian word for it is “BLAZHnost”, which I find to be aurally descriptive and informative in the same vein as words like smash and barf. The walk to work was OK, but the real killer was at school. Our classroom was moved to the 6th floor – at the same time the elevators are being repaired.

Repaired may not be the right word when it involves a rusty, dirty jumble of twisted metal in the first floor elevator lobby. It also involves lots of banging with mallets, with a good deal of malice. Imagine a scene where an elevator has done something bad to someone and we all want to get our revenge on it, to work out our frustration on this machine we rely on that has so unfairly taken advantage of our dependence. Then you can picture what this heap looks like.

At the end of class, during which we discussed my impending employment by Alfa Capital, Tatiana Grigorievna offered me her best wishes; “Ne pookh, ne pera.” It literally means “neither down, nor a feather” and is something that people would say to hunters on their way out to the field. That is, “I hope you come home with neither down nor feathers on you. I hope you will be unsuccessful.” The traditional response to that is “ka CHYORTu” - which literally translates as “go to hell.” So when people wish you no luck at all, they actually mean well. And when you want to thank them for their sentiment, you tell them to go to hell. Idiomatic expressions are tough in any language, but in Russian they have the added complication of meaning the exact opposite of what you actually say.

Good student that I am - immersed in the language and the culture - I smiled and politely told her to go to hell.

At the office, I had a great conversation with Chuck Tennes, the CIO of the company. We went through my credentials, what I would like to do, what he has planned for the next couple of months. We formulated a plan, and decided to start on it the next day at 3 pm with a meeting.

In the meantime, I got logged into the system at my new desk. A stack of things to read was waiting for me; Investment publications, economic reports, market outlook pieces, surveys of Russian equities, etc. It amounted to a good stable of introductory material for a novice in the Russian market like me. I tucked into it, and didn’t raise my head until 7pm when I noticed that most of the office had gone home.

One of the more surprising facts of the day was that my suits fit much better. According to the scale at the gym, I’ve lost nearly 10 kilos – 22lbs!? - in the first 6 weeks of living in Moscow. There are several possible reasons:

1. I walk very long distances daily, and especially on excursions.
2. I don’t really like the food here.
3. I go to the gym.
4. The food I do like is served in small portions.
5. I live on the 6th floor, and have resolved to take the stairs not more than 50% of the time, and to climb the stairs not more than 33% of the time.
6. If I eventually start gaining weight, I’ll change the stipulations on amounts in #5 above from “not more than” to “not less than.”