Changing the Guard

We have a new language instructor. She’s very professional and nice and a stickler for grammar. But its apparent she’s not going to be much of a character. Not like our previous instructor.

Tatiana Gregorievna was our teacher from the beginning of July to the end of August. She’s an older woman – let’s say in her late 50’s – and served as not only our language professor, but also as an advisor during our first two months in Russia. She has lived in the US before, and seemed acutely aware of the type of culture shock that we were in for. We all owe her a large debt of gratitude for the patience and help. But like any story from Russia, if you scratch a little harder you get some pretty unexpected things.

Her healthcare advice may well work wonders on Russian germs, but I’ll have to get pretty sick indeed before I try any of it. She always extolled the medicinal value of honey. I’ll admit that Russian honey is awesome – I just doubt the miraculous curative powers she ascribed to it. But other remedies were even a little scarier. If you get sick, mix vodka and vinegar together, then rub it on your feet and lower legs and go to sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning.

She constantly worried about what we were eating. She admonished us not to eat anything on the street – and was generally suspicious of restaurants. But I ended up asking for clarification 3 times when she cautioned us about the spiciness of mayonnaise. Yup. I heard that right. She thought too much mayonnaise would ruin our tastebuds.

A discussion on WWII in class led to some rather awkward moments. It ended up ranging from the (continued) occupation of Kaliningrad to the delay in opening the second front, the Russian term for the allied invasion of Europe. The war material that the US sent to the polar port of Murmansk was, she noted archly, defective and of such low quality as to be absolutely useless to the war effort. Wow. Now that’s some heavy soviet propaganda.

Discussions on oligarchs were equally discomfiting. When I mentioned that one oligarch was especially smart – living in England, buying a soccer club, and negotiating to sell his oil company back to the state from a safe distance – she said something to the effect that you should expect as much from a jew. Huh? Yes, she said, I don’t know about in America, but our Russian jews are particularly cunning. Whoa. And, she continued, with so obviously jewish a name as Abramovich he must be especially sly. The PC movement has yet to reach here, apparently.

Anyway, my Russian got a lot better on her watch and she helped me adjust to life in a totally new and foreign environment. We threw a little party on her last day and nearly brought her to tears with our effusive toasts. Like I said, we are grateful to her.

It’s just that I’ll be a little circumspect in which parts of her advice and opinions to put much stock.